One of the very first things John and I talked about after Madison got sick was the future of our family. We had always planned on having 3 or 4 kids, but as we sat in the hospital room watching our 11 day old babygirl fight for her life, we knew our entire future had just changed. How did Madison get sick? Could this happen again? Will we be able to handle another child or children with so much unknown ahead of us? We didn’t know the answers to those questions then, and we still don’t know the answers...
How Can It Be, My Baby is (almost) 3!
That’s right, my little miracle girl will be 3 next week! And truly I cannot believe it. I know all parents say that; I know all parents feel the shock of how fast time goes when it comes to watching their children grow; but birthdays hit different for parents in the medical world. 3 years ago I was thrilled to become a mom, the only thing I’ve ever wanted to be, and dreamed of all the things I would do with my little girl. But life didn’t go as planned. Instead of celebrating Madison’s first monthly milestone at home,...
My Child is Disabled
My child is disabled. She’s only two years old, and she’s severely disabled. I can’t express into words how hard it is to say that sentence. When we had Madison’s first MRI done post meningitis and saw the damage that awful disease did to her brain, we knew then and there she would never live a normal life. It’s some of the worst news you can receive as a parent. The brand new baby you had prayed for your whole life; the baby that passed every test in the book during pregnancy; the baby that was born healthy; is...
Two Years!
Well, my babygirl is about to turn TWO! TWO! I just can’t believe it. Her birthday comes with such a whirlwind of emotions. When you see your infant almost lose their life, when you live in a hospital room, when you’re forced as brand new parents to have “the” talk about what could happen when you pull a breathing tube, you become faced with the reality that your baby may not ever celebrate a birthday. And yet, here we are, two very hard years later, celebrating all of the strength, perseverance, and love Maddie girl has shown us all...
The Truth About Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day is just around the corner. A day to celebrate the strength and love of all the moms and mom figures in our life. A day that is truly special for many. But what about for those that have lost their mother? Those estranged from their mothers? Those longing to be a mother? And those, like me, who’s journey into motherhood hasn’t been like what they had hoped or dreamed of. For us, this day can stir up a wide range of emotions and be extremely difficult. Last year was my first Mother’s Day with Madison, and it...
World Meningitis Day
Today is World Meningitis Day. A day to help spread awareness about a disease that has stolen so much from our family, so much from my little girl. Madison was born perfectly healthy, but everything changed just 11 days later. She didn’t wake to eat, her skin looked grey, her eyes became empty-as if her soul was sucked right out of her, she spit up her last meal, and began grunting when she breathed. Within moments we knew something was terribly wrong. We had no idea just how wrong. We had no idea our entire lives and every dream...
2018 in Review
I’ve been racking my brain trying to determine how to write this post. How to reflect on a year that has in all honesty, been incredibly hard on our family. How to really sort all of the bad from good and heartbreak from hope. I want to start the new year on a good note, which is hard to do when the end of this year has been particularly painful for us. So I’m gonna start with the not so great moments in the hopes that if I save the better moments for the end, those will be what...
One Year Home!
One year ago today, after almost 70 days of living in the hospital, we returned home with our little miracle girl. It wasn’t at all how we imagined the first 2 months of having a new baby to go. I honestly look back and still can’t believe that I walked out of my house on July 20th , and did not return until September 26th. I can’t believe that we lived in a tiny hospital room, sleeping on a small bed in the windowsill, eating the same take out food, holding our baby in the same chair, constantly checking...